lena dunham | D. Average Life

From the toilet, where I sit…

Writing my first CV ever, for a job that I’m 100% sure I’m under qualified for, makes me want to close my eyes and fast forward to a time when I’m successfully doing whatever it is that I’m good at. John Mayer can kiss my behind with all that “there’s no such thing as the real world” bull that I believed when I could afford to.

This is scary stuff comrades. Studying for the GRE alone makes me want to put my hands up, buy a farm and get to work. Not that there is anything wrong or degrading about farming… Anyway, there’s one side of my brain that is saying “CHILLAX!” And another part saying, “Stop crying about life! At least you got an education! Now get to work!” Then finally, the part that is writing this post. I wish I could blame it on Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I have a feeling it’s the Average Life Crisis Syndrome.

Symptoms include:

Hysterical crying at the thought of your present situation

Hysterical crying at the thought of the near future

Hysterical crying at the thought of the far future

Excessive amounts of pondering on life mission

Reading large amounts of inspirational quotes,stories, philosophies, and/or poetry

Heightened sexual desire

Lowered amounts of self-confidence

Lowered sexual performance due to lowered self-confidence

Upset stomach

Diarrhea

I expect this to be a temporary illness, due to transitional life changes.